Thursday, November 5, 2009

Ode to the One I Didn't Hire



Insight, I believe, refers to the depth of understanding that comes by setting experiences, yours and mine, familiar and exotic, new and old, side by side, learning by letting them speak to one another.

Mary Catherine Bateson


Twenty-five years ago I lived in Salt Lake City and worked as an Office Manager/Accountant for an independent oil company. In need of an Executive Secretary, I advertised the position and received many resumes via the mail.

One resume I immediately discarded. In fact, the two-page document ended up in the trashcan within moments after opening. I’ve never forgotten that moment, and now it comes back to haunt me. Faced with that same situation today, I'd hire that applicant in a heartbeat.

The resume I tossed arrived from a woman in her mid-50’s. (We had to list our age back then.) Somewhere back in ancient times she had graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree, then married, and raised five children. Her resume listed each child by name as though an individual place of employment. She accounted for their educations, their achievements in academics and extra curricula, awards received, degrees earned.

Down the list it went from daughter the teacher to son the dentist. At the end of that muddle, she inventoried where she had volunteered over the past 35 years – PTA, church, boy scouts, girl scouts, and on and on.

I recall laughing, thinking how ridiculous this was. That this resume told me nothing about her qualifications. What she could manage. How could she think she was capable of running an office when all she’d done is stay home and raise five kids? The PTA? Come now.

I was 28 at the time. Married for six years, but had no children. I didn’t have a flipping clue. Three children and 25 years later, I most certainly do now.

Today, this Midlife Jobhunter is most regretful for the disregard shown that mother of five returning to the workforce for whatever reason I never bothered to consider or understand.

As many of you have mentioned in your comments or emails to me, midlife jobhunters are now a vast group (stay-at-home mothers only a portion) competing against the young or those with more complete resumes and education, or skills.

A diversified bunch, we are people in search of a place – taking in stride current situations to adjust to changing times. We are searchers finding our way as empty nesters, or newly divorced, or widowed with a dwindling income. Or one suddenly without an income for any number of reasons. We are searchers who can no longer continue with a current position's physical demands. We are searchers for satisfaction to not necessarily bring in a grand or needed income, but to unearth a creative spirit buried long ago.We are searchers who struggle with labeling talents and contributions, cornering a market on years of gathered work ethic and collected knowledge.

Midlife Jobhunters – a most interesting cluster of seekers. I can only hope that 25 years ago in Salt Lake City, someone smarter than me hired that incredibly overqualified jobhunter .

44 comments:

  1. What a fabulous, and extraordinarily wise post! Your reflections and regret tell us so much about the wonderful person that you are...AND this is a fantastic anecdote...and so vividly portrays the essence of our value as individuals...our relationships!!! Thank you for this powerful, honest and heartfelt post!! It's beautiful!!! ~Janine XO

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  2. I'm 48 years old and have a law degree (25 years old). I have just landed a job in a bookshop paying £5.80 an hour for which I'm grateful. I had my hair done today; it took an hour of my hairdresser's time and cost me four hours pay!

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  3. Don't beat yourself up over it - that brave woman most certainly found a position that suited her. It wasn't the traditional resume format so I can see how you would have thought it unprofessional or unqualified. But it was creative on her part to recognize and translate all the experience and results she had over the last X years of her lifetime. I don't doubt someone else saw the possibilities. And hopefully those children she raised learned to recognize quality people like their mom and will hire some of today's midlife jobhunters!

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  4. Well said.

    I can remember incidents in my life that make me want to find the person and apologize. I think we're all forgiven, by the mere fact that we carry it in our hearts.

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  5. Brilliant. Put this in the mail to your local newspaper.

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  6. oh, if only we could go back in time knowing then what we know now.

    Love this post.

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  7. What a fabulous post being a midlife job hunter for this last year and feeling washed up.

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  8. A heartfelt and well-written tribute to the vanity of life we all shared when we were all in our 20s. God knows we all did things like that to the old folks. Now we have done joined them. Loved this post, my friend.

    EFH

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  9. For what it's worth, given the cleverness of her CV, it is possible she found a position that may have been more suitable for her creativity.

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  10. They did. Her name was Martha Stewart and she wishes you'd hired her cos she mighta had a nice, decent career instead of .... well, we won't go there....

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  11. Before I retired 2 years ago one of my jobs in Human Resources was interviewing for open positions... I'm so glad to have had the opportunity at the age I was as I found myself drawn to those who were choosing to come back into the work force for whatever reason...as it turned out they were more dependable, reliable and loyal to their job than the young girls in their twenties who showed so much enthuiasm when applying. Had I been younger doing this job I would of done exactly what you did but age and experience allowed me the opportunity to realize how lucky we were to get these middle age women.........:-) Hugs

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  12. I've been job hunting lately (that and trying to get a book published, of course). I've found that employers want the young ones. I have an accounting degree and I passed the CPA exam, but I stayed home for 15 years with kids, so I guess I have no experience. Aye! It's frustrating.

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  13. You are so wise for having realized this. I appreciate your honesty in sharing this. I also think that what you did is what most of us would have done. I think of how many times I have made decisions in my ignorance, only to find out years later, how wrong I was. There's no going back but we can express and share what we've learned, just as you have here. Great post!

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  14. Twenty-three years ago, I was in a similar position, and had a similar experience: a mother with kids still in school applied for a job & I turned her down after the interview. I don't remember why, but the issues were definitely due to my youth & inexperience and not hers. I've been kicking myself ever since, especially now that my own dusty resume has been making the rounds...
    This is an eloquent, elegant and wise reminder that youth (despite our obsessed culture) is not everything, and creativity comes in many packages. Thank you.

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  15. Very insightful and thought provoking post! Most employers want to hire younger people because they can pay them less than a more experienced worker and they are healthier and cost the company less, in the long run. Midlifers could start their own business to avoid this trend. One of my friends started a plant care business in offices and she has more work than she can handle, now. A simple ad in the paper has brought her a good income and a job that she enjoys doing.

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  16. I'm 29 years old and just stumbled upon your blog. I related to it regardless of the fact that I am not a mid-life job hunter, but a job-hunter with a similar background to you who can't get hit by a car. I have an unbelievable resume (I worked for Conde Nast In London for years on top mag titles) and as head of copy and content for a major UK Dept. store's website. I just moved to the States and recruiters are in awe of my resume---but all I hear are crickets. I freelance here and there, but the money is terrible and the jobs are few and far between. I am trained to do nothing and can't afford time-wise or financially to go back to school to train to be another profession. I have a BA from a top 25 school in writing and a MA in journalism...again, no one will return my calls. I feel terrible for you guys because it must be two-fold as hard that you are given the added blow of agism. I, believe it or not, feel the blow too. Many people feel that I am too experienced or old for jobs I'd like the chance at to at least get in on a ladder. I'm scared. I'm going to be 30 in about 6 months and I never thought I'd be unemployed and broke. I always thought if you were tenacious and talented you would get somewhere. This economy is so terrifying. Regarding the woman with the application---my heart breaks about that story because I'm sure she sat there and tried to conjure up whatever resume she could. And trust me....she could have lied like so many people do and hoped that you wouldn't have checked her references. My Aunt is 67 years old. She cannot retire because she has no money. She looks good for her age but her body aches. She is a brilliant woman who can't even get a part-time job at a retail outlet. She went to Univ. of Penn and worked as a top Sales Exec. I fear for her life---she is living on unemployment extensions and social security. But she can't afford the dentist, food budget is tight and she can't get out of bed from severe depression because of her situation. Thank you for your post. However, I am devastated by the state of the country, my future and the ones that I love. xoxoxooxox--One of 365

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  17. We are incredibly experienced in almost anything, after doing an excellent job raising a house full of kids to adulthood.

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  18. WOW!- I think we need to put this post all over the place... I am going to have to link to you.

    I watched how my mother gave up working to be at home & raise her children... & how, when we were all grown, she was afraid to go out to find a job...She ended up coming to work for me for a few years... until we moved back to Norway.

    But watching her... scared the crap out of me... I never wanted to be in the position of feeling like I couldn't re enter the work force after my babies were older.. & I went right back to work even though I didn't have to

    I am going to share your post.. thank you for rememinding all of us how it feels, & how many qualified mom's & midlife jobhunters there are out there.

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  19. I'm terrified that after being out of the working loop for five years that people will look upon my resume like that. *sigh* Thank you for this post!!

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  20. Oh life is the best teacher, no? She was probably more qualified than all the other applicants, in the ways that mattered. But it sounds like she had a wonderful family close at hand, which matters even more.

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  21. Very nice post.. Life and time teaches us so many things..

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  22. What a great post! Hindsight is 20/20. I'm someone did hire that woman and I bet she was a great employee.

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  23. I enjoyed reading this post, mostly because I'm one of the midlife jobhunters who's resume has probably landed in more circular files because of my age.

    It's time to re-invent myself!

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  24. Nicely done. A friend said she thought you and I have similar life views. I really enjoy reading about your journey.

    www.ninabaker.blogspot.com

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  25. Yep, just like old mothers--we have . experience and intellect that is not being used either. Although I taught school ( subbed almopst full time) until I was 80) and if I could I would be teaching yet. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

    This econmic downturn has really been tough for you younger midlife people. Your stories are heartbreaking.

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  26. Ahh, wisdom. Always comes late, doesn't it? Great post!

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  27. Thoughtfully expressed, poignantly written. Thank you for this...brilliant.

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  28. I've been so grateful the last six years that I can use my grandsons as a reason/excuse for not looking for a job, because I had had such a hard time finding/getting the one I'd had previous to that at the age of 52, after not working for the previous 20 years!

    As for your feeling bad about not hiring the older woman and thinking her resume was a joke, I think it would probably have been a relatively new occurance that a woman would be coming BACK to the work place in 1984, except in the case of a divorce or death, so there might have not been a standard of thinking to follow except for the one you used - younger is better, more recent experience is better.

    Anyway, excellent post about a situation that has been talked about so little in the 'outside' world, but seems to have come out of the closet in the blog world. It's so comforting to know that I'm not alone, because I spent many years thinking I was alone in my inability to get back into the work place after a lengthy absense.

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  29. I really felt the genuine truth in your words. Beautiful essay...

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  30. What a great post. I did hire that woman! Actually I hired two of her. Back in my office management days I hired two "older" (several years younger than me now!) women who split a week for several years. They were THE BEST employees I ever had, hands down.

    I'm sure someone hired your applicant.

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  31. I love the wisdom of this post, and I'm honored to be a member of this club (even though it could be argued that I haven't actually seen midlife for a while).

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  32. Just stopping by to see if you've posted any more of your absolute brilliance!!! Love to you, my friend! Janine XO

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  33. I love this post. Yes, us mother's have plenty to offer :)

    thanks for visiting my blog. I have had internet connection troubles due to being away on holidays. I am now back and was glad to read you comment and thought I'd pop by and say hi. :)

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  34. Girl, although my resume is full of work experience (having worked my entire freakin' life), I think ageism is alive and well. I frequently have to remove the management and company ownership portions of my resume because it intimidates younger workers, and add to that my perceived age, and my resume goes into the garbage can too. It's dog-eat-dog out there, worse than ever.

    Excellent post, my friend. As always, you've captured just the right words for a subject so close to all of us. Encore!

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  35. This is a beautiful and insightful and honest post . . . perhaps she will stumble by this blog or someone like her will and find release - or!

    perhaps she found the perfect job and was so grateful she didn't get the other jobs she applied for, knowing they weren't quite right ...


    hug...

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  36. Actually, this would make a great article. Have you thought of that. Inspiring and I'm sure media worthy. Can you tell I've just come back from a conference which focused on pitching to the media and PR?

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  37. There's a reason why you remember that woman's resume so clearly, right down to the kid's and their achievements. Now it comes back, not to haunt you, but to inspire you. Just look at how our perspectives change! Hmmm, what do to with this insight ...

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  38. I mean ... hmmm, what TO DO with this insight!

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  39. Oh man. That makes me cry! And also makes me take pause and count the things I have done as a mother, not the things I haven't as an employee. Thanks for that one.

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  40. You should print this post and put it on top of any resume you send out. Take that chance!

    So true. I've realized, as I sit on search committees, how whimsical the hiring process really is. Often the best people are so wrongly discarded.

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  41. Okay, this is one of my favorites. Life lessons, the only way to learn them is to live...

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  42. "Overqualified", is a euphemism for too old. I recently had an interview at a church where I was told that I was overqualified. I was later told that another applicant had "more church experience" than I did. Sounds like the church decided to hire one of its own members, or perhaps I should have bragged more about assisting my father in counting the weekly offerings at our church and teaching Sunday School :)

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  43. This is a great post. About life coming full circle or karma or something like that.

    Well written. Well done.

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