Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Circling the Stupid



I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra

When I was a kid, Westerns dominated the television screen. Gunsmoke, The Rifleman, Wagon Train, The Big Valley, Maverick, Bonanza and many more. Always had an allure to them even though I'm not sure what it was, other than the adventure. One scene I recall in all those shows was someone riding on a horse and noticing buzzards circling the sky. A sure sign something, or someone, had met their demise.

Last Saturday night, my husband and I attended a party. For some reason, one of those wild moods prevailed and we let go -- full force. We partied. Like in the old days. When we were young.

We ain't young, no more.

Didn't feel so good on Sunday. My friend, who also attended the party, texted me to say she missed us at the 11am church service. I texted her back, and lied. Said we had gone to the 8am service.

Arising late, my husband and I loaded up on Advil and ventured outside to work in our yard. Not only is the normal Spring cleanup and planting taking place, a time crunch has arrived for all the company headed our direction for the upcoming wedding and graduations. We gathered twenty-eight yard bags of live oak leaves and trimmings. I raked and pulled the dead plants that didn't survive the winter's harsh cold. Also, dug up and transplanted some Knock Out roses.

When I put the finishing shovel of dirt around the last rose, I felt an urge to lie down. I did. Right there in the yard. On my back, eyes closed. Felt the sun on my face and wished I'd taken some Alka Seltzer for my stomach. After a brief respite, I opened my eyes to view the sky. There, circling high up, but directly above me, was a buzzard. I stared in horror. Right out of an old Western.

Rightous retribution? Penance for my misbehavior? When I moved my arm, that old buzzard realized I was still alive and he flew on, circling for some other fresh kill to alert his friends to.

I took some Alka Seltzer. Got that party thing out of my system. Back to reality -- and my lists. How's this for a blog post filled with substance?

53 comments:

  1. Whoa! That was scary...and it sure would have sobered me up quickly!

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  2. Too funny! I tried partying like that not too long ago, and I paid the price, too. Next time you feel the urge to lie down, go inside....LOL!!

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  3. Funny. I am thinking what a great photograph that would have made with your buzzard friend.

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  4. I loved it. I think the buzzards start circling, somewhere in the distance, after 45.... at least for me they did.

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  5. I love lying on the ground looking at the sky too, or closing my eyes, feeling the heat of the sun. Haven't done it in ages. As I was reading, I anticipated doing it again, until you mentioned the buzzard. :)

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  6. LOL! I definitely think that circling buzzard was a message! I cannot party anymore. A very sad thing, actually. I often wonder - when did the ability go away? It is definitely the aftereffects that precipitated the change. Enough ruined next days and one eventually learns. But what fun to just let go and PARTEEEE!

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  7. Very funny post! If ever there was a message for you from above, that buzzard was it. Great symbolism.
    I haven't partied, as in partied with too much alcohol, since I was in my twenties. If I thought I might be missing something, your post has reminded me I'm not.

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  8. Perhaps not the substance you're accustomed to providing your readers, but it sure was full of humor. At your expense, I realize. Glad the buzzard flew away and left you to your pain. :)

    In all seriousness, I feel your pain. It's been years since I partied like that, and I can venture that there would be buzzards circling before I even woke up the next day...

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  9. Sheesh that's scarey!!! I'd have been REALLY freaked out and put off drink for . . . ever?!!!

    My body aint what it used to be and doesn't have the tolerance to alcohol it used to. Makes for a cheap night out though! :-)

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  10. Lawdy mercy ... I'm a fast learner, and will take your life lesson to heart!

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  11. I had something similar happen to me when I was recent college graduate. Only I was still drunk, lying on the beach in the beach grass and instead of buzzards wondering if I was dead, it was two tourists. They looked very relieved when I opened my eyes.

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  12. Of all the great and funny things you've written, this sits at the top of the list. You should polish and submit somewhere. Seriously.

    If it helps at all, vultures/buzzards are very social and curious birds in addition to their other gifts. Maybe he was just looking for company. :-)

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  13. P.S. And I love the title. A lot.

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  14. Hahahahahahahah! But hey, this is a good reminder to not over-indulge at the wedding parties! Wouldn't want to embarrass your son or the new in-laws!

    I used to be the tequilla queen back in the day, and now one shot and I'm under the table. Is it about getting old, or just being out of practice?

    I can see you in my mind's eye, laying there in the sun with the buzzard circling overhead. That is just too funny!

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  15. Sorry sweetie no sympathy here but you sure have given me a belly laugh.....I'm glad you partied, and it must feel good to have the yard work done but looking at a buzzard would kind of freak me out. So funny Julie, you are priceless......:-) Hugs

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  16. I suffered a rare hangover a few weeks ago after dining at Restaurant Jezebel on our Austin trip. Along with the 7 course meal they kept topping off my wine glass...didn't realize the amount of excess.

    I actually saw a buzzard that day too, but I thought it was a hawk until my nephew corrected me.

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  17. Been there, done that....minus the buzzards.

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  18. Your post brought a smile to my face Julie. Earlier today we were working outside, 3 turkey vultures were circling above, I ask my husband to lay down...hoping for some interesting photos, but he wouldn't cooperate!

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  19. Funny post, Julie.

    Did you know they poke out your eyes first---sort of a heure de ovree before they eat the rest.

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  20. Ha ha ha ha ha! Very funny--and scary. You earned the lie-down after 28 bags of yard gleanings, but the buzzard should go back to Hinkley Ridge (remember that one?) ;)

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  21. I can relate~I ain't young no more either. But a buzzard circling? Yowzer!

    What I don't get is---how did you manage to gather up 28 bags of leaves? That's the amazing part of your story.

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  22. Great post Julie, very funny. Get ready for some more partying. Looking forward to our visit. May come early on Tuesday.

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  23. Life's little lessons sometime remind us that we are not quite as young, as we once were. Next time, try my Cajun Bloody Mary, it works like a charm! So funny about the buzzard!

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  24. Love the post title! You're a hoot, but I'm glad there was a lesson to share with us all.

    And I admire you. I loathe yardwork, and you put me to shame!

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  25. A little robin visits me when I lie down in the garden. We don't go in for scary birds over here!

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  26. Hope you're feeling better by now.
    I could be wrong but I thought the feeling sorry for those that don't drink quote was Dean Martin's.

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  27. I think the buzzard thought you were surely dying and going to hell for lying about church ;0)

    Treat that day as a nice refresher for the wedding celebrations - you're re-tested your limits. Anyone who can do that much yard work hungover is a trooper in my book.

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  28. You totally cracked me up! Even though, I can relate to the getting old-body-can't-take-what-it-used to part. And lying to your church friend was even more hysterical! The circling buzzard? Pee in my pants funny...btw, one of the things I loved about moving to Texas for awhile was watching the Westerns all weekend. Brought back childhood memories.Now, if you'll excuse me, must shower and change...

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  29. I'm with the Bumbles about the buzzard circling after lying about church.

    I actually drink more now than I did when I was young, but I still don't drink all that much.

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  30. That's hilarious. Good thing you didn't fall asleep.

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  31. I love our Texas buzzards! When I first moved to Austin, I thought they were hawks and was thrilled for years...and then embarrassed after.

    The solution to midlife partying I've heard about is to change alcohol for something inhalable. But you never heard me say that.

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  32. Sounds like one of those days you'll laugh over very soon.

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  33. Well, at least he didn't land on you and barf. That might have made for a whole 'nother interesting post. :))

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  34. You should have run inside, grabbed your Elmer Fudd cartoon shotgun and taken care of that cantankerous buzzard!

    Di
    The Blue Ridge Gal

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  36. Perhaps that buzzard was part of the post-party hangover?

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  37. I would love to see a real buzzard sometime! :) No buzzards where I live... But I agree, it would have been kinda scary waking up having a buzzard and his friends chewing on you... ;) But that's what you get, if you lie about church, maybe? (I am not a "church-goer" so what do I know?) :)
    Thank you for sharing this! Funny post. And congrats on the POTW!
    Love/ Jo.

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  39. a buzzard!! oh my :)

    I never knew that quote was Sinatra, it fits

    congrats on POTW

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  40. Very funny and congratulations on the potw. Only metaphorical buzzards in my world, yet I think they've circled me a few times myself ;-)

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  41. Congrats on POTW mention from Hilary

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  42. Ha! Oh portents of doom! You think you're afternoon was bad? I'll bet your lunch didn't get up and scamper away. Think of the poor buzzard ;-)

    This was wonderfully funny, and well deserving of a post of the week mention. Congratulations on that, and on not being the centerpiece at buzzard buffet.

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  43. oh my...too funny. congats on the POTW!

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  44. Dead drunk, dead sober...thin line

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  45. Yes indeed, blog post filled with substance. The quote by Blue Eyes is a tummy tickler. Even after an evening out partying like the good old days, you and your husband accomplished so much in your yard. I say you evened things out with that.

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  46. I enjoyed this. Substance not required. :)

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  47. I have felt your "pain", unhappily, on more than one occasion!

    Well done! Well deserving of a POTW mention!

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  48. Hearty congratulations on POTW from Hilary! I sure do hope you find a job but if you do, please don't stop blogging. Got a chuckle from the "buzzard" episode. "Live and Learn" as they say...

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  49. Woo hoo! Congrats on the POTW!!

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  50. MJ~~~~~~ this is definately an AWARD WINNING POST !!!!!!!!
    LOVED IT!! XOXO :)

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  51. Your post hit home with me, not only the middle aged hangover but also the search for a job - and searching for the true me.

    This piece is easy to read, a sure sign of good writing.

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  52. Love it! I can't party like I used to either.

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