Breaking Through the Muck

"Your best is whatever you can do comfortably without having a breakdown."

From The Tender Bar by J.R. Moehringer

Have you ever looked back on the week that just passed and want to forget most of it? Did that last week. Experienced a lack of motivation, an absence of productive output. A week where I just seemed to go through the motions and tried not to feel for fear of keeling over. I looked back at my journal from the week (something I never do, but it seemed necessary to reclaim the time) and saw several redundant words– uncertainty, depression, non-restive night, fear. Yuck! Glad that week is over.

I did accomplish a few things, however. I arranged an interview for a temporary job. Sent out several job applications. Did our taxes. Finished reading three books. Last week was also my social week for the month – my Bunco group (we’ve met the second Tuesday of the month for the past 19 years and haven’t played Bunco in ten years) and my book club. Drank a bunch of wine with some friends after working out at the YMCA. Seems like I should have had fun with all of that. Maybe that’s what it was—I was too busy having fun. Or maybe, that is all I was able to concentrate on last week. Sometimes you just have to float where the river runs and hope faster waters will help shake off the muck you collected while idle.

This morning’s journal entry has a better word glued to the page – Rediscover. Don’t know why today seems brighter, but it does. Perhaps I needed to circle back to get down the right road.