Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Man Wall

Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them.

From David Hume's Essays, Moral and Political, 1742

See that big white wall out there? When we built the dock, that baby was just a narrow rectangle on the plans. A small storage area. Turned out much larger and I didn't recall the odd "fit" with the roof. I first saw it toward the end of its construction and I wanted to throw up.

"What the hell is that?" I asked my neighbors.

They shook their heads. We stared at it further.

"Sometimes we get a hard west wind," one of them said.

I laughed. "We can hope."

Further discussion with my husband only wrought an indignant attitude. To him, the beast was aesthetically perfect. Beautifully constructed. Masterfully planned.

"An eyesore?" he said. "It's functional. Serves it purpose completely. Paint a cool mural on it."

"I had a cool mural there," I said. "A real one. A view of the lake."

The past two years, I have provided hints on how to mask its beauty. I suggested a neon Blue Moon beer sign. He nixed that. Hates Blue Moon beer. I suggested a sign like the little resort in Minnesota my family has visited since 1958 and where we took our kids for 20 years. Maybe something on that line.

ONE , big, round sign.

I think all he heard was the word "sign". Next thing I know, packages arrive at the house. He has ordered the wall's new design. He spread his purchases out on the fireplace. See for yourself.

Our very own Man Wall, complete with a see-through nightgown.

I asked if I could order a few signs, to break it up a little. He agreed. Not sure he likes my choices (Blue Moon silk stockings, Schwinn bicycles, Popsicles, and the Twilight Lounge .)

At present all the signs are laid out on the floor with the precise spacing only an engineer can bring to the party, ready to be drilled for eternity into the white wall. I guarantee, the wood wall will rot or blow over before any of those signs move even a squinch.

I'll send a picture after he gets them up.


  1. As long as one of the signs says "Free Coronas here. With lime!"

  2. Your post made me smile - yes beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. It reminded me of my aunt and uncle going shopping with me and my parents many years ago. The two women (sisters)kept stopping at the dress shops and discussing the window dressings - the men got very fed up and when they got to a hardware shop my uncle said - let's really look hard in this shop there is such a wonderful lot of things to see. We all have our own idea of what is beautiful - I don't think that white wall is too bad really (agree the lake is better!)

  3. I have to agree with you on this one. It reminds me of the gentleman that lives two doors down who is always trying to put tables, chairs, BBQ's in the common area behind our condos. Right now it is lovely natural habitat. Big trees, a creek with a waterfall (he is constantly working on.) His plastic stuff irritates me to no end. We get rid of it every time he leaves for the winter. Why can't people enjoy the natural look of things?

  4. Funny stuff--understanding in a relationship is certainly a wonderful thing.

  5. That is too funny. You are probably right...the wood will rot and the signs will rust. Oh long as it keeps the husband happy, right? :)

  6. Ah men! If they mess up, they pretend they did it on purpose.

  7. I love the idea of the signs! It would be my second choice after a nice mural to cover the white, but a good choice nonetheless! Every husband needs a guy spot where he gets to chose the decor, though it's not usually in so public a spot. (Mine's is the garage, and he still has stuff from the 60s!). How nice of him to let you put up some for yourself.

  8. Can't wait to see the completed Man Wall. This a great example of why only gay guys should be allowed to decorate.;-)

  9. It's definately a man wall! Will be interested to see the finished touches :-)

  10. Man Wall! That made me laugh :). I must see his work when it is finished!

  11. All I can say is OMG! Can't wait ti see it!

  12. A man wall. Just what every man needs. I'll have to get MHS a man wall too. It's nice that he let you add a few too.

  13. I think the signs will help. Good luck getting them up before the next big wind comes through.

  14. I came over from wander to the wayside,I'm hooked and will follow.Visit my blog sometime and follow,I would love it.I need incentive.

  15. In addition to a few signs, what about asking people who visit to sign and date it? It will be a testimony and memory to wonderful times.

  16. What is a kick for me is that, out of all options, I don't think doing this would have occurred to me. Probably, I'd have painted a target on it and shot things towards it. Like my kids.

  17. Maybe it's the gardener in me, but how about putting a trellis on it...maybe tacking on a planter box somewhere at the bottom? I dunno if Clematis works in your climate, but wouldn't a purple variety look lovely twining its way up the side?

  18. Hello...nice blog!
    I left a comment on your 8/30 post where I also found the link to your mom's blog. I will check in with both of you from time to time.

  19. Hello, I popped over from your mum's blog, I am so impressed with her zest for life and sense of humor....I have been enjoying my time reading your do have a gift for writing so I encourage you to never give up your dream. Much Luck in your endeavours.
    I really got a chuckle from your post, man wall.... who knew?
    Have a wonderful weekend, it is a holiday here tomorrow.....:-) Bernie


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