Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Long Hot Flash of Summer Tends to Twist the Mind



What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.
Jane Austen

By the time August rolls around in Texas, survival is the name of the game. Sweat on my brow and under my pits in spite of my deodorant are simply facts of life. Now that I'm in hot flash hell, I've significantly added to the number of times I soak myself during the day. But no matter, this too shall pass. Right?

There was a time in my life when sweat wasn't the norm. In my days of living in the North, East and West, I believed sweating occurred when my face turned beet red and I thought it might blow up. I had no clue that little beads of perspiration could turn into flowing rapids down my back or that wiping my eyes with the back of an equally moistened hand to clear the flood from my brow might become a rote act. I prided myself on perspiration etiquette.

No longer.

I recall an afternoon, soon after moving to Texas. While digging holes to plant my newly purchased shrubs, my face began its usual red blowup, then something popped. The sweat paraded down my back, legs and face. I joined the ranks of the dripping sweat mongers.

Of course, my ability to sweat like a pig allows me to cop an elitist attitude with my mom and two of my three brothers - who still believe if you crack a sweat it means you're overheating and need to sit down. I'm so glad I've evolved.

As we embark on our 40th or 50th or 500th day in a row of 100+ degree heat, and my 22nd summer in Texas, no longer do I have to dig shrub holes to work up a sweat. In a few minutes, I'll leave the confines of my home to walk to the mailbox. Perhaps I'll stop to grant the pathetic looking plants in my front garden a few sprinkles of precious water - just a sip, however. A long swallow would only soften their reserve and restrain them from their ability to survive in the sweltering sun. The tomatoes in pots, I'll bypass. They have led the battle well, but lost.


Truly pathetic, isn't it? Droughts are so not fun.

When I finish, my bra will be sweat laden so I'll run the warm ground water from the hose on my feet and return to the let the air conditioning cool me, before I venture out for the next sweat trip.

Oh wait, I'm getting one just sitting here. Ain't midlife great?

But I must admit, come August, the heat tends to twist me. Puts me in rather a funk, I'd say. Makes me think of sledding down hills while my snot freezes in my nose. Makes me eager for motion beyond the elliptical at the Y. Perhaps the reverse of cabin fever in the dead winters of the north only similar in that I want to do something fun, something wild. Something with rapid, wake-me-up movement. I am bored with the boundaries of the heat. Stir crazy, as they say.

Tomorrow's my birthday. I want to ride on roller coasters. The kind that end up in a swimming pool. I hear Schlitterbahn calling. Just what every tomorrow-to-be-53 year old body needs. Falling down a slide and hitting the water at full force. Something exhilarating to get the heart pumping again. That'll work.

Don't forget to look for the Perseid meteor shower tonight. 2am is the best viewing. Lie spread eagle on your front lawn.

29 comments:

  1. Oh, thanks for the reminder about the meteor shower... I think its over us on Thursday... must check that out. Hope the day isnt too hot for you... turned a little warm here today... hooray. Up to 25 degrees! A cold day for you , I reckon. x

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  2. Happy Birthday! (A little early.) I'll have to check out the meteor shower. Good thing I'm a night owl!

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  3. Happy early Birthday!
    You are so funny....I sweat a tremendous amount too. You have me cracking up!

    Have a wonderful day tomorrow...do something fun...and COOL!

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  4. I found yoga very helpful during the hot flash phase. It really helped, especially the breathing exercises. Hang in there and have a wonderful birthday!

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  5. Sorry about your weather. Have a great birthday.

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  6. If I didn't know how wonderful your writing is naturally, I'd think you really sweated over this post. But I know better.

    Lovely reading, regardless of the topic!

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  7. Julie girl you cracked me up! LOL! I hear ya! I'm 70 miles from the gulf and sweating like a mule everytime I step out the door. Hey, even in the house with the AC on 72, I'm soaking wet under my boobs! I'm dreaming about snow, icicles and freezing wind that will shorty hit the mountains and I'm gonna be right behind it when it hits!HA!

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  8. Happy Birthday! My acupuncturist told me we should break a sweat every day to be healthy and rid our bodies of toxins. You must be really, really healthy.

    It's cloudy and rainy here today for the first time in weeks. Of course it would happen on the night of the Perseids.

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  9. Happy birthday, my friend. I hope you get your roller coaster ride.

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  10. Happy birthday! I hope that you have a wonderful day and that you get to ride on a rollercoaster that ends with you in a pool of water. It does sound miserable there...you really do sound like us here in Minnesota after too many days of cold. We actually made it to 84 today and are suppose to have a few more of these this week which we welcome because so far we haven't really had summer...but I think I would rather have it in the 60's and 70's then the 90's or 100's. As someone that suffers from all things menopausal myself I cannot imagine the hell it would be to feel the way I do in that heat! Anyways hope you have a great day!

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  11. Have a wonderful day tomorrow. It is so hot here in GA this week that it is hard to breathe. Right now I am comfortable but sometimes at night I wake up so hot. Wait, that didn't sound right. What's funny is that I used to bundle up at home with the AC blaring and the hubs needed it cool. Now he bundles up. I am getting hotter as I get older ;)

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  12. Happy birthday (and pass the air conditioning)...

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  13. Ah, sweet, sweaty woman: happy birthday; may you sweat as you enjoy the meteors. You've certainly shut my trap about feeling hot up here in Northern MN. I will complain, however, that I can't even escape to the air conditioning of the Y to sweat, as the air conditioning there has been broken for weeks now, and it's become hotter inside than out in the sunlight.

    My gift to you for the next year? More dumb digressions that do nothing to shout at you how great you are, even when that's what I really mean to be typing.

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  14. I know one should never say never, but I could never, ever, never live anywhere where the humidity is as high or higher than the temperature, ha! As a woman whose 'lady land' region is no more, sweat and flashes and all that jazz are just a part of life now. Aren't we blessed?! Also, I wanted to thank you for your comment on "25". When I read the ones that others do of the same ilk, it always amazes me how much alike most humans are, deep down. I'd like to see one on YOUR blog sometime so I can get to know you better, too!

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  15. Happy Birthday! Fantastic photo of meteorites - poor tomatoes - I don't think i could stand that heat, give me a good old cool breeze anytime.

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  16. I hope you had a wonderful birthday!

    It sounds like you're having a miserable summer. I've been "enjoying" my hot flashes for 14 years now, and I hear you can have them into your 70s! Give me a break! I know it's dreadful dealing with them in the extreme heat. You poor thing!

    Did you find relief at the Schlitterbahn? I've always wanted to visit New Braunfels.

    Thanks for your comments on my last few posts. I really appreciated them!

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  17. As it is Thursday, I guess I missed the meteor shower.

    We sweat a lot over here too...

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  18. I lived in AZ for 14 years and I can understand that sweaty feeling. I hated every minute of it. Hang in there, winter is coming.

    Happy Belated Birthday!

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  19. Happy Birthday! SOrry I missed it.. I was too busy sweating down here in Florida.. It's been near 100 every day.. and more like 110 with the humidity!
    I can't wait for some COOL air!

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  20. Thanks for visiting my blog so that I have the chance to read and follow your adventures..I have also watched the meteor shower from this part of the world.

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  21. Thanks for the hearty laugh, I loved your post. When I got to the pics of your plants, er, dead plants, in the pots, I burst out laughing... sorry, I just couldn't help myself!

    Since I moved to KS, I too endure the long sweat-laden walk to the mailbox. It is unbelievable how easily I can begin to sweat, with the driplets racing down my back, when our temps inch close to 100 or over! I am ready for the days of autumn, which is fast becoming my favorite season. :)

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  22. New book out, "Jane Austin Ruined My Life" and I enjoyed it as do I enjoy the Austin quote. I feel the same way, heat makes me feel quite inelegant.
    Loved this post and the meteor shower photo.

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  23. Yeah, I missed the meteor shower, too. I don't sweat much but when I do there's nothing that grosses me out personally more than the feel of that running down my back......ewewww

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  24. Crap. I know it. Always wanted to be a hottie but this is not what I had in mind.

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  25. First, hope you had a great birthday!
    Second, you exactly write my thoughts on the weather.. though I am thousands of miles from TX.. I'm here in truly tropical India, where (tsk tsk tsk..) we don't even have the Fall! And I am waiting for winter, when I can soak up the sun and look and feel beautiful all the time!

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  26. Missed your birthday. Hope it was a good one. About your heat... could you possibly send some over to the UK? Mind you, I know I moan about the cooler summers (and getting cooler each year) but I honestly don't think I could cope with the excessive heat you have. The armpits just couldn't take it :-O

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  27. Hope you had a great birthday!!!!

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  28. Ok, so I"m reading this way past your birthday, but happy belated birthday. And by the way, I'm reading it while juggling a small pink fan in my hand because guess what -- I'm having a hot flash! It's only about the 3,456th one today...

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