Sunday, March 2, 2014

Finding Rhythm

rhythm  [rith-uhm]  
 noun
movement or procedure with uniform or patterned recurrence of a beat, accent, or the like.


rhythm
noun
1 the rhythm of the music: beat, cadence, tempo, time, pulse, throb, swing.
2 poetic features such as rhythm: meter, measure, stress, accent, cadence.
3 the rhythm of daily life: pattern, flow, tempo



Other than being a difficult word to spell, I find rhythm difficult to incorporate into my life. I relish when I'm in step with myself, but struggle when I'm out. Often I don't know just when to step in, if my lagging foot will catch up. Or drag. Or go way out in front.

Often, I only seem to circle. Safer there. Accomplishing what needs to be done in that little orb.

My husband has a rhythm. Monday through Friday, from the moment he awakes he has his movements down. From what time he makes his coffee, enters the bathroom, turns on the iron, the shower, puts his shoes on and greases his lips from the Carmex jar on his bed stand followed by picking up his gym bag, yogurt, and brief case.

I know not to get up while he is on his route. Days when I teach, I lie in bed until I hear the door to the garage close before I get up to begin my day. I would only get in his way, ruin his routine. His pattern. His rhythm. 

When he comes home from work, he gets the mail out of the mailbox, then tosses his dirty gym clothes into the basket in the laundry room, sets his brief case on the desk chair and his gym bag on the desk. He grabs a handful of almonds to hold him until dinner is ready. He then goes into the bedroom to change into his shorts or sweats (depending on the weather) and takes a seat on the couch, remote control for the TV in hand.

On the days I teach, the rhythm is handed to me. Nothing is required but to follow along, I do fine with that. But when left to my own devises, I struggle. I am not so defined. I have no patterns.

Perhaps it is my days as a mother - always prepared to turn in any direction. No chance to find a schedule of any permanency. Prepared to drop whatever I may have going to tend to the needs of others.

These days I don't have the constant jerk of something taking me out of sync and into another direction -- except for that man I live with. My job doesn't have a permanent work schedule - working different days of the week for different teachers. Different students so no routine there. If I do seem to find a pattern, things like Christmas, company, or a new project take me out of the norm. I find it difficult to get back in order. To make it all fit.

My home life has the rote activities such as cleaning and laundry, Grocery shopping and dinner making. Cleaning and laundry. Grocery shopping and dinner making.

But my days are not very well planned. I can't find a schedule. I'm faced with too many options. I gather my lists and don't know where to begin. Should I work on the taxes? Should I call the eye doctor? Should I wash my kitchen floor? Should I finish that blanket I was making? Should I get those files refiled? Should I go dig up my garden? What time should I go to the YMCA? Should I get a new blog post written? Should I finish getting my pictures on the wall?  Should I just sit and read a book? Should I get my novel out and seek the rhythm of that venture I so love?

Should I call my friends over for Happy Hour? Or should I play another game of Solitaire?

Too many choices. Too many requiring a rhythm that doesn't connect to the next. I don't know how to section out the day for some of those things on my list. How to get back in the more intense rhythm required for those that require immersion - like the taxes or the writing.

How do you get into a rhythm? How do you choose which rhythm? What will you allow to interrupt your rhythm?

53 comments:

  1. If you're happy with riffing here and there, keep it up. You have enough stuff on your plate to keep you occupied. Rhythm is established for efficiency and time management, and once you have it, it controls you.
    I do know that once you have a rhythm, not having one is frustrating. It took me years to accept my new life as retiree, with no set patterns, open to new days and new possibilities.

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    1. You make perfect sense. I do have lots to do. Efficiency and time management would help me do it. But I hate being controlled. Hmmmm.

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  2. I read once that this is called the IGAD syndrome - I Got All Day. And I struggle with this mightily. I have a very long pattern - about a month long - and it changes in the summer. For what it's worth, in place of rhythm I have rules to give some structure: always write in the sweet hours of early morning; pay the bills on payday; start over with a blank slate on January 1st, the day after my birthday, on the first day of school in my community, and on the first Sunday in Advent; no computer games until the worst thing on the to do list has been engaged, and hopefully completed. Good luck - I feel your discontent!

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    1. Good rules to follow. That requires dedication. I could very well incorporate some of those into my day, I think. Maybe.

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  3. oh my gosh - i can relate! this week i struggled between walking/running, napping, putting blog post together, running into town for groceries - should i go on friday so i can go to the post office? should i wait until saturday and maybe my prescription will be ready but then the post office will be closed? and i've caught myself playing solitaire more times than i should have this past week, to avoid doing ANYTHING! :)

    thanks for the chuckle - and to know i'm not alone in my indecision/options/limbo.

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  4. (and, yes, i have to focus on my taxes, too, dammit...) :)

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  5. The majority of human beings (I believe) were raised to be productive; told, "Don't waste time" and "Don't be lazy." I used to equate my lack of constant routine to one of those things on occasions when I chose to do something spontaneous. I've since realized that as long as I'm taking care of obligatory and necessary tasks, that it's okay to enjoy a little freedom. The house is not at risk of foreclosure, we have heat in the winter and air in the summer, everyone's eating and wearing clean clothes, and so on. Let those who need a rhythm, have a rhythm. And those of us who don't feel that we do... well... :)

    I like your fancy clothespins that don't appear to have a pattern.

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    1. I completely understand this, Anita. I think that is what gnaws at me - that I'm supposed to be productive and at the end of the day say, "I did this. I accomplished that." Not necessarily for me, but, perhaps to show others. Hmmmm.

      As to those clothespins - I took that photo up in Northern Minnesota at a dear friend's home. Thought it was so creative. Now, not certain who in her family took the time to do that, but I see that as most productive. Hmmm, again.

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  6. I think that's the curse of being the mom/wife. Everyone else gets rhythm and you're stuck improvising around them.
    All the time.

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  7. It's an interesting question, about rhythm or no rhythm. My sister and I are both retired and find that our lives look a whole lot like your husband's. I was so busy and had such a routine that was set for other people's needs that when I retired, I began to fall into a routine that is what I want to do every day. Instead of going to work, I go to work out. I love to have things all in a row, but only for half a day. The rest of my day is free-form, which is kind of like an extended evening after work. Make sense? It does to me! :-)

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    1. It completely makes sense. If I organize myself for half the day, I can be free-to-be the rest. Hmmn, this must mean no more sleeping in though. Interesting.

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    2. (Another part of my lack of rhythm. I love to sleep in. Then loll in my bed with my coffee, read the news, catch up on Scrabble games, read a chapter, maybe write in my journal. I throw in loads of laundry during this. Guess I could do the reverse - keep my mornings for lolling and accomplish stuff in the afternoon. So against what social mores seem to say about early birds getting the worm. I hate early birds.

      And isn’t there something about the second mouse gets the cheese?

      Ha, I’m doomed.

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  8. Disturbing thoughts....for me. I have few patterns, just a few things that I SHOULD do. Retirement did that to me. I keep a calendar...it seems my job is to be the social secretary for a retired husband who has lots of doctor appointments and a few jobs at church as lector or communion assistant. This winter he had a new appointment: An old college roommate turned up for regular Wednesday morning coffee times during the 3-months of his Florida rental. Hubs has a big morning ritual. I tried to do create one for myself but I get bored with it and am glad to jump off and mix things up. I need change, something new to find or, at the very least, adapt into The Hours. I SHOULD go out and weed the garden, visit an old lady in the neighborhood, finish the Ode to Gee's Bend Quilt for show-and-tell at the Sarasota Modern Quilt Guild. I just don't wanna...
    Do we really NEED to have rhythm?

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    1. Okay, you've convinced me. We don't need a rhythm. I think that is a lot of it for me. I just don't wanna. Thank you.

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  9. I am famous for just packing and taking off to play rather than worry about life's clutter.

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  10. Thoroughly enjoyable post, made me think -grin-. I've got a pattern to my days that's decided, mainly, by the animals. Emergencies interrupt my rhythm, other than emergencies, not much else.

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    1. Thank you and, yes, sometimes those patterns get us through what we're going through. Thankful for that.

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  11. You have hit the nail on the head. It is our need to be able to change on a dime depending on the needs of our family. Thus, when we have time to do for ourselves we are totally out of habit. You must just grab what you want to do first, then pick something you do not want to do but know you have to do. There is a little bit of a habit.

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    1. I like that idea - a little this, a little that. Now that I type that, I do have days like that.

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  12. I had pretty much found a retirement rhythm, made up a kind of schedule, but then that man in my house retired. I think it is a little like being a stay-home mom...

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    1. Hahahahaha! I'm don't think I'm looking forward to that.

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  13. Right now I am in the rhythm of my kids. I kind of go according to their schedules and then it doesn't leave too much spare time for me to add in extras.
    I like my schedules too. I can see how it would be difficult to get into a certain rhythm for you right now. Maybe your job right now is just to take joy in not having a schedule. Maybe you are mean to learn the art of relaxation and being in the moment right now. ??? :)

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    1. Okay, I'll take your advice. Enjoy not having a schedule. I must say that when I have day ahead when I know I don't have anywhere to go, I am most happy. Plus, I do need to get rid of the notion that I must be productive (influence from others) - productive in a sense of seeing what is done. Writing a journal entry or finishing a book or chapter, or watching the birds in the backyard. Now that's my kind of productive.

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  14. One thing that helped me back when I was able to set my own schedule was to determine which days of the week I was willing to work, then not expect anything conventionally "productive" out of those days and evenings. If it turned out I didn't have to work on one of those days, I did whatever I felt like, or nothing! And I set a day (Friday for me) to run errands, meet friends for lunch, schedule dr. appts, and the like.
    Would the school district be able to note that you only want to sub on a, b, c days of the week?

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    1. Good suggestion. Yes, I could set my own days. However, the gaggle of teachers I work for have changing needs so I change right along with them. Perhaps if I wasn't so available... made my days of more of a priority. Hmmmm

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    2. I do think this is a good suggestion. Making certain days available for certain activities. Now in my 4th year of retirement, I have done this. Mondays are for Ladies Who Lunch, Tuesdays for Good News Club, Thursdays for Kearney Mansion tours. I try NOT to do any shopping or errands on Saturdays, leaving the stores to the ladies who work and have only the weekend to shop. Otherwise, I stay flexible. That's the joy of retirement.

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  15. What a thought-provoking post! I guess I'm a creature of habit, so some sort of rhythm is essential to my well- being. I've always had a daily, weekly, and yearly rhythm, Now, the kids are older and (sort of) leaving the nest, my husband contemplates working a little less and maybe trying to spend more time in Florida during the winter, and my parents are getting older too and need a little more help...things seem to be in flux. I'm struggling to maintain those rhythms, but it's probably time to settle into new ones...

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    1. Good luck with your changes. I know mine switched all over the place when it came to my parents and the kids leaving. Now with my parents and the kids gone, I was hoping for more of a relaxed rhythm, yet accomplished. That's where my difficulty comes.

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  16. I've experienced this in different ways at different stages. When I was working, and my depression was still untreated, I'd sit in bed and cry on a beautiful Saturday morning because I couldn't decide what to do. I felt obligated to work first, play later, but I was too burned out. My hubby taught me to take time to play first. These days I probably do a little too much playing, but I figure I'm making up for a lifetime of too little. So there.

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    1. Hahahaha! Sounds like it is working for you. And I'm all about play. Perhaps that's my problem. I'd rather play than do just about anything. I can drop a project just like that to go do something fun. Play on Blissed-Out Grandma.

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  17. I'm totally out of whack in the rhythm department, these days. Renovations will do that, methinks. I don't feel a great need for being overly organized though so I figure that as long as there are enough hours in the week to do what you need to do and want to do, it's all good. Mostly.

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    1. I like that philosophy. I also understand the nature of renovations, the upset. Did that all last fall. Maybe I just need to stop worrying and go with the flow.

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  18. Hi, thanks for visiting my blog recently. Here I've had a little giggle - from my perspective, my partner struggles to find a rhythm - but he tells me that's not what its all about. He enjoys it. I've been working away from home and staying away for 1-2 nights a week. I've reflected that my cycle is more like the 24 hr cycle, but his is the 48 hr cycle. it seems to work for us that I dont see what happens yesterday or today, but that it did happen some time since i was gone. I hope you your own cycle some time soon.

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  19. I love this. I get SO much more accomplished when I have a rhythm! I've just started a new journal and I'm trying to get all the 'things' slotted in to my week in a way that works :)

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  20. I certainly feel more comfortable in a rhythm. Perhaps that's my problem. Not a time for complete comfort. Enjoyed your comment.

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  21. Yes it is hard to spell and that's the easiest part of it. I think of the call of teacher obligations and helping to raise two son set the rhythm of most of my life till retirement. Then there was June July and August. Most of my friends have summer jobs in addition. We, my wife who also taught, live on the cheap and gloried in those month to travel and camp. In a way it was practice for what we would do in retirement. Now the cycles of the seasons set where we go and mostly what we do..... Actually I think a rhythm is a good thing if it fits you likes and desires....:)

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    1. I like your rhythm. Ha! Goes to show everybody has a different one.

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  22. My mom's help used to scrub our pots and pans with a certain rhythm. Now that I am a mother and a grand mother I use the same rhythm and my kids love it.

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    1. I understand that. Adding a rhythm to make the task less mundane. Works for me.

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  23. I'm lucky this year, in that I have a couple days each week with a very set rhythm, but the others are more open to whim. For me, if every day were deeply scheduled. I'd get cranky right quick. A little of each seems to put me in my best mental and emotional state.

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    1. I think that makes me happier, also. I like when I don't have it all scheduled.

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  24. I like sticking to a basic daily, weekly routine which I guess helps create rhythm in my life, although for many years I've also fitted the care of grandchildren and part time tutoring into the scheme of things and have accepted the need to be available for family. Now that my husband and I are retired we follow the same rhythm around the home, but I tend to go out more to regular interest groups (when in the UK). Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment, which was much appreciated.

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    1. I am jealous of your self-control. I'm thinking I am too easily distracted. Or allow myself to be.

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  25. My more effective rhythm involves being able to go into the office and work. With all the snow days and delays, the Mrs. and I have been both out of balance this year. So, I guess my schedule starts with being in a place that I know I can be productive.

    But those taxes, you reference are on my list of extras to do as well. Yuck.

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  26. Wow, good question. I so often feel at loose ends. I attribute my lack of rhythm to my (self diagnosed) ADD. Some days I'm just so all over the place. But there are 2 occasions when I can get into a rhythm ... when I'm in isolation for a week or two (which I tend to love) and when I have a deadline. Nice post. Thought provoking.

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  27. When I don't have work defining my days, I set tasks for myself at the beginning of each day. I make sure to include the self-care things first, and some days my task after that might be to sit and read. I don't do well without some sort of structure, even though I long for the freedom of choice that comes from lack of structure. I wonder what would happen if you made writing the center of your days, the most important thing, and then worked everything else in around it. Sounds to me like you've got a March heart right now: all storms and sunshine, changing in the moment and thoroughly unsettled.

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    1. "I don't do well without some sort of structure, even though I long for the freedom of choice that comes from lack of structure."

      I so get that. I have such a hard time getting that butt in chair.

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