Saturday, April 10, 2010

There's No Place Like....


I base most of my fashion sense on what doesn't itch.
Gilda Radner

Time once again to return to the shop for the final alterations on my dress for oldest son's wedding. Two months after the initial shopping trip with the Bunco Bitches to find the dress they decided looked best on my bod, I found myself back on the elevated step in the dressing room.

Following the instructions of my peers, I wore the chosen bra and even arrived with the cute little silver shoes I'd selected at the shoe store the day before.

Yes, those are bruises on my legs and there is a woman's hand up my dress, that belonging to the little Russian lady that does the altering. Next to her, out of camera view, is my friend Linda, also a seamstress, who worked the Russian chick to make sure she did an excellent job.


Don't I look like I'm having fun?

The lap swimming I've done for the past year seems to finally have made a dent in my body. The dress needed two inches taken up on top seams. Also, the chosen bra didn't quite fill out the top. Someone in the room finally uttered, "Face it, girl. You have no tits."

The little Russian lady sent for the bra lady and once again I bared by body in front of my friends. No modesty left although I told them if they made me put on my Spanx, they would have to leave me to my self. You know those things - they barely fit over your ankle and then you have to pull them all the way to your armpits? No, I will never let anyone see that wrestling match.

Alas, the Spanx wasn't needed and we progressed to another bra fitting. The little lady pushed and prodded at my bosom, moving it this way and that. She instructed the bra lady to bring her best push up bra. I had no clue what they were going to push up. When handed the tendered bra, I leaned over and followed the instructions to shake my girls into the cups, then reach my hand in and move them around. I put on the dress and my alterer again stood before me, adjusting me this way and that. I could tell she just wanted to reach in there and move them around herself. At that point, I could have cared less.

Anyway, all pinned up and hot flashing and my Fred Flinstone feet aching from standing in my pretty little silver shoes for an hour, it was, finally, time for lunch...


...and a margarita.
I found a different pair of shoes to wear. Hopefully, I can keep these on long enough to get down the aisle and through the dance with my son. Two weeks until the wedding. It truly has been fun getting ready and I can't wait to have a grand time. Family, friends flying in and if someone would just come and clean my house, I'd be in good shape. I'd do it, but I'm off to a double header. Youngest son's baseball. Comes before cleaning, of course.

And if I had my way, these are the shoes I'd wear to the wedding. There's, indeed, no place like my Birkenstocks.

37 comments:

  1. What a wonderful happy time for you!


    Love your dress and am excited to see the wedding photos posted.

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  2. oh you'll have a FANTASTIC time .. i can tell.

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  3. Hahahahaha, I'm laughing out loud. This is the BEST!!!
    Have to say, though, that first shot shows off some very lovely, shapely legs...and I approve of the silver flip-flop shoes...a lot easier to wear as long as you can keep your balance and your two first toes can handle the pressure of the thong! Practice wearing them around the house :)

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  4. Smile, girlfriend. You look faboo and your son is getting married. What a lovely time for you. Cheers!

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  5. Go Birkies!!!....my shoe of choice!!

    Enjoy

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  6. Two weeks, wow! I can hardly wait to see all the final photos, and know you will look gorgeous. I'm thinking that if I had had such awesome friends to help me pick out a dress and get ready, I wouldn't hate my image in the all the wedding photos (they fall under the category 'what the hell were you thinking?').

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  7. Can't wait to see you all done up in that dress. It looks lovely! I say pack the birkenstocks - you might want to change into them. After a few glasses of celebratory champange, I bet you won't care what anyone else thinks!

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  8. You'll look fabolous! Lovely color on you!

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  9. I love all the shoe shots, beginning, ending, and in between. They say you can tell everything about a person by their shoes; yours speak "I appreciate Euro-eco comfort" and "I can kick up my heels with some glam for the big stuff"; mine would speak--mom shoes :(. You look mahvelous dahling!!!

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  10. Oh, I remember that shopping with the Bunco Bitches Post...I'm still laughing! Love the dress, the length is very flattering to your legs, that's important! Bras are a pain to fit aren't they.

    Love your shoes too! I'd clean your house for you, Julie...but can't, I live way up here in Ohio, but remember I offered!
    ♥...Wanda

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  11. Glad you found some shoes. I am going with some I had for our 50th. I haven't tried them on yet. Better I should. You look great, gal. Two weeks ahead of time and you are all ready. Typical Julie. Another entertaining post.

    Is befockle something like it sounds? (word verification) I am befuddled. Didn't even copy that right. Now I have becsfe.

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  12. Words cannot describe the mirth I felt reading this...priceless. I especially loved the description of pulling your spanx up from your ankles. Ain't it the truth? My words of wisdom...? It'll all be worth it!

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  13. HAHAHA. You're going to look fabulous, Jules. I can't wait to see you all decked out in your frock at the gala affair. Birkenstocks are acceptable the minute the reception starts!

    I'm stealing one of my daughter's dresses to wear. I have NO IDEA what shoes to wear cuz my feet won't last in heels all night.

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  14. You're so funny. Don't worry.

    I'm so behind in blogland, sorry

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  15. how exciting1 You have great gams and the shoes are lovely. Margaritas are always the bomb......

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  16. I love your sense of humor, your birks, your friends, your excitement for your son's wedding. Enjoy all.
    ~L

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  17. The silver shoes, go with the silver :)!!

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  18. Too funny. It beats having a mammogram. Just not by much. What song did you decide upon?

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  19. You can say they're bruised, but your legs are HAWT.

    I love the photo of your disgruntled face and wish you could just wear the Birkies. Do bring them to the reception to change into, yes?

    Through it all, you have a good sense of fun still in place, which I admire heartily.

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  20. Birkenstocks are cute, they remind me of Peppermint Patty. That's a beautiful color on you, by the way, and I can't wait to see the whole thing!

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  21. Love the Birkenstocks !! Looks like you are really enjoying the whole process xx

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  22. Julie, you have great legs. Never mind the bruises - you've got swimmer's calves!

    You're a brave soul - and a lucky one - to be able to expose yourself (literally and figuratively) on your dress expedition with your friends. I envy you their support and closeness.

    You'll have a great time at the wedding - and it won't matter that your feet might hurt a bit. The Birks will be waiting once you get home. It's your chance to be Cinderella again in a different way.

    Perfect ending, btw. Neatly wrapped up and all very funny. Your self-deprecation is quite endearing.

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  23. Good luck with the wedding and tell that Russian lady to slow down.

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  24. Oh, my...what a lot of trouble...I think you should wear a full length gown and don the Birkenstocks :-) But I guess that wouldn't do, would it? LOL...I think you will be absolutely gorgeous!!! Have a wonderful time! And congratulations! ~Janine XO

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  25. I like all of your shoe selections. Comfy and cute is key. I had a friend who's wife wore combat boots underneath her wedding gown. A little bit of her own personality and comfort zone to go with the day. So if the bride can get away with it, so can the mother of the groom. Good luck with the festivities and giving your boobs a day to stand out ;0)

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  26. Lookin' good, cher! I went through the same thing, when my daughter got married. At my final fitting, I decided that I didn't like the dress, anymore! You will look great and will have plenty of pics to prove it! Cheers!

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  27. I have some "helpers" for your shoes...non-slip pad and cushions. Bring 'em over and we'll fix 'em.

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  28. I ended up barefoot during my daughter's reception! Wish I'd had the sense to bring my comfy knock-off Birkenstocks.

    Your dress is beautiful and you look great in it and the shoes. But do try to look a bit happier at the wedding, okay?

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  29. I am sooo laughing at you! Birkenstocks indeed. I doubt anyone would notice?? LMBO

    Di
    The Blue Ridge Gal

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  30. love your sense of humour .. maybe now we should have more compassion towards models. Y'know, they have to do this everyday.. !

    Anyway, love the glittery sandals. I have several pairs like that but they are sitting in my shoe display cabinet most of the time becoause i just couldn't bring myself to wear them. Silver glittery sandals are so comfy and cool to wear, and it's a killer if it goes with that little black number that every woman has hanging in their closet. Just never go wrong!

    Anyway, Congratulations on your son's marriage.

    ~Silver

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  31. I was chuckling through the whole story, but the Birkenstocks nearly did me in. You could do something for publication around the whole bra fitting, you know. And even though you looked like you wanted to maybe spit in that picture, you also look really gorgeous (and thin). So glad you're having fun. Claim every minute of it.

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  32. ps. There is a little surprise for you, over at my place, cher!

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  33. I love your blue dress and the sandals are perfect! I am keeping the Kleenex ready for when you post again about what it is like for your son to have grown up and get married. I mean, I think about it every time I think of you but if you write about it I will read it before I apply my Monday thru Friday mascara.

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  36. You're posting a picture after the wedding, right? I'm so curious to see everything now...well, almost everything. :-)

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  37. Back again from current post...

    They did a good job - your boobs are sitting up and you have naturally good legs - bruises and all.

    Thanks for the third laugh of my day!

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