Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What Lies Ahead

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up.
Christopher Morley




Once upon a time I spent my days with a gaggle of kids that followed me where ever I went. My world revolved around the three souls I pushed out of my womb and then made sure they had food placed in front of them, shoes that fit, and swimming holes to explore. My days sometimes seemed to never end. I ached for an hour or two where no one needed me for something. Just an hour. Or a minute. Like an opportunity to shut the bathroom door and pee alone.

Even though it didn't seem possible I'd ever escape the always present mountain of laundry, the sticky floors from juice spilled, or the driving schedule that began at 3pm and ended when the last game or guitar lesson ended hours later, I knew there would come a time. That time is now. My last son is a high school senior and next year, my calendar will not have hours of baseball games filling the slots and there will be no one's ass to chew about getting homework completed.


How in the world did this little boy become old enough to go off to college?

Youngest son, Ian, and I took a road trip last week. College visit. He had been accepted to a few schools. Some even with in-state tuition. But he had a dream, and never one to not encourage those, I arranged flight, a car, and time to visit an old friend who teaches at the university.

Ian and I walked around campus, taking in all the sites. Took a tour. Visited with our old friends who drove us for hours on end to see the surrounding area. Overwhelmed, Ian and I retreated to our hotel for siesta time, watching the Olympics or talking about what we'd seen. As Ian endured Ice Dancing, for his mother's sake, we read the local newspapers and just soaked up the entire environment - not talking about a decision.

On the last day, Ian went on ahead of me as he had a meeting scheduled with the head of his department. By the time I got my camera out, (my hands were shaking) he was almost out of my sight and in the building.

We've since had a discussion on which college he's chosen to attend. Come fall, the last of those that followed me around will be off on their own. How does that happen so quickly? My grieving has begun, although...

...I'm probably going to be working so much to help pay for his butt to attend, that I won't have time to miss him. Now, there's fodder for future posts - that midlife job hunting thing again.



31 comments:

  1. This bring me back to me a year ago. I wrote about it on my blog too...BUT it isn't as bad as you think. I still miss the kids terribly, but have miraculously filled my time with other things - my things. And the children come back and we had fantastic time together. I've lost my children but have gained wonderful loving adults who care for me and I for them.

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  2. Sorry about the mistakes in the English - I'm struggling with sinusitis which must have affected my brain too! Hxx

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  3. Where, indeed, does the time go? I think we say that when they trot off to kindergarten, jr. high, first date, high school, college, down the aisle, and in the maternity ward with the birth of the grandkids.

    It's been a while, but I remember a week of euphoria that I could do anything I wanted whenever I wanted, followed by months of despair and loss because my life had been defined by my daughter, and finally to acceptance of the road life takes us down...which means that birds leave the nest!

    Enjoy these last months for the treasures they are!

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  4. I was just thinking today about something a friend told me when my kids were all still under 6 'You think this will last forever, and you'll never be free to have time for yourself, but then it's gone in an instant'.
    And it was gone, like that! Sometimes I find myself missing the little kids they were even more than I miss them as they are now.
    But I do love the relationships I have with them, and how that changes as they, and I, get older.

    The time goes by so fast. The only thing to do is just stop it for a moment, and look.

    I understand how you feel, Julie.

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  5. A blink of an eye, they say.

    Mine are only (almost) 5 and 8 and I already feel like they need me less and less. I honestly cherish every day.

    Everything is a phase in life, right? I just have trouble with transitions ;)

    You'll do great next year (and so will he).

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  6. A transition for sure. But think about how proud you are.

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  7. Thanks for keeping me grounded I am searching for alone potty time at the momement. I look forward to reading your new adventures as you dive into change.

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  8. Nothing ever stays the same does it, sometimes this is a good thing other times not so much.
    Your son will be just fine and you will not only survive but will thrive building a new kind of life with your husband and children/adults. You will be fine Julie.......you have courage and love all around you.....:-) Hugs

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  9. It only seems like yesterday that I was looking at universities for myself.

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  10. I'm in just the same position as you are - only its my oldest child that is getting ready to fly to coop. You've describe this parenting transition very well. I feel much the way you do. I'm sure the feelings will only be heightened in 3 years when my youngest follows in her sister's footsteps. *sigh*

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  11. Funny, I was thinking the same thing just the other day, even though no major milestone is being hit this year...it really is a blink.

    Best of luck to Ian-and to you!

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  12. Hi Julie

    I am a couple of years ahead of you...my last left two years ago...and boy was I ready for the change...with four kids and over 30 years of mothering I couldn't wait...and I need to tell you...it is the most wonderful time...you can be yourself again, make decisions just based on what you want...have no time restrictions...just be....oh how wonderful...

    AND you can begin a wonderful relationship with the kids as adults - well almost - but where they have to take responsibility for their own choices.

    It is a time of major change and great renewal...I hope that you will see it this way.

    Happy days

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  13. Then it all happens again with the grandchildren...that's where I'm at, watching them mature so quickly!

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  14. You'll enjoy the time to pee freely, or whatever. Good times!

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  15. Ah, but he's such a great kid, and you did such a fine job raising him, you should feel some relief that he will be a terrific adult and make you even prouder than you are now.

    I know. It's not quite enough, is it.

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  16. It is a time of personal growth and enlightenment. A wonderful sense of freedom that you have not had in a long time. That is how I experienced it. Cute pics!

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  17. You have the perfect mix of pride, relief, hope, and melancholy here. I thrummed to each one.

    For me, at this point, those days of my time being my own seem so far off. I'm glad you remind me how quickly they're coming, so I stay in these moments as they're happening.

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  18. Beautiful kids you have there. I took it very hard when my kids became adults. I still really miss them as toddlers. I hope and pray for grandchildren to reprise those days.

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  19. I love this post! Such a mix of emotions...
    My oldest is already off at college, and the twins are high school juniors. My day is coming too fast...

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  20. They say your children are your children for the rest of your life...when I turned 50, my mother said she couldn't believe she had a 50-year-old child..."child" being the obvious word!

    You'll be fine. They'll be fine. You'll continue to be needed--perhaps more than you like after you get on with your next phase.

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  21. I LOVE having no children in the house... and when they do come and bring their spouses and our grandchildren along the house is all a bustle. I've grown so used to the quiet that sometimes the bustle becomes overwhelming. Just a sign of getting older I suppose. These years are the best years of our lives.

    Di
    The Blue Ridge Gal

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  22. What a cutie! These are such poignant posts. I'm so glad you're sharing this time of your life with us.

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  23. I love moms. More people should say that. Just thought I should.

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  24. Oh, so sentimental. Makes me think about my time when it comes. Eight more years for me.
    They will leave, but they will always be your babies. :)

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  25. I love reading the comments here from your readers who are all at different stages. There's much to look forward to still even though the thought of the youngest leaving and time going by so fast is a heartbreaker. Such a good reminder for me to hug mine extra and not stress over the small stuff.

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  26. Oh, this made me remember that whenever we burst into the bathroom on my mom, she would ask "can't I even use the toilet in peace?!?"

    So ... has he chosen a college?

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  27. I feel ya, only you've got it x three. But remember, you will not be defined by your kids once they've all left the nest. You are Julie and all the amazing-ness that Julie is!

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  28. That's so true! Where did all those time gone? It still felt like only yesterday that i had brought my babies home from the hospital!

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  29. They are growing so quickly arent they? A cute baby became a handsome young man..I wish him all the best in the future..

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  30. Lovely post, Julie. I am sitting here crying and I am only their grandmother!

    You need have no regrets, Jewel. Both of you really made parenting your first priority and did so much with and for these three sons and they did turn out to be three wonderful men.

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  31. The fact the kids grew up staggers me still!

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